The Razor Deep In Your Heart ♥

Friend.Thats something everyone needs.

My Pov.

>
<b>Stretching</b>.

I climbed out of the van avoiding those things that bombarded me on my way out. Kent my home county yet ive never been so far from home.

"I need a fucking piss" Brian complained running towards to the woods where he can be hidden.

<u>Brian</u>. 14 years ive known him. He's his own self. He loves to play guitar. Music is his passion. He's a true <b>Friend</b>  . You just got to love the way he is."Wow thats better" he said running back. I rolled my eyes at his dramatic return and all of a sudden feel warm arms wrapping around my stomach. I breathe in his scent and put my hands ontop of his.

<u>Jimmy</u> 17 years ive known him. He was my next door neighbors little boy. Well not little but you get what point im trying to put. He always used to sneak into my back garden to play with me. We went to school together and we just warmed up to eachother really. Now I only know what hes truely like.

"Babe you smell so good right now" Jimmy said running his fingers through my hair. He smiled sweetly as my rosy cheeks started to form. I turned to face him. I looked up to see him. Just standing there Lusting for my touch. I turn my gaze to a lonely matthew staring at his phone. Longing for a phonecall from a girl from a girl he met at the club. I just shook my head and averted my eyes back to a man I <strike>love</strike>.

<u>Matthew</u> 16 years ive known him. Thats smile he has had always drew me in. Those hugs he gives just to keep me warm. Even when i was young when we used to mess around he used to hug me. For some reason I just felt high when I was around him.

 As he walked over to us i longed for one of those hugs. Just to be in his arms right now.

"Matt we need to get going!" zacky said. Matthew looked at me quick  then walked back and got himself buckled up in the van. I sighed lightly so Jimmy wouldnt hear. I walked over to the van as Jimmy gripped onto my hand. I loosely entwined my fingers with his.

<u>Zacky</u> 7 years I've known him. Yeah he moved to our school. He was always an outkast but since I sat next to him in science ive always been his friend. Hes so easy to talk to. I even know about his secret love for someone. I just gotta love the guy.

As i restest the back of my head on the seat i dozed off. To be refreshed with a memory i longed to bring back.

Flashback

"Laura I'm fed up of shopping in bloody clothes stores couldn't we atleast go to the music store pleasee?" Matthew said with his puppy eyes. I didn't look at him. He knew i'd give in. He forced me to look into them. As i did i saw a twinkle I felt weak. I dropped the clothes onto the floor and walked over to the music store with him. Just to see him happy. He bought himself aload of cd's and held onto them tightly as we walked to the park. He put him arm around my shoulders and i turned to look at him. "Matt.." I whispered. He kissed me. So soft but so powerful. He pulled away and smiled. He never talked about that kiss since. Yet i cannot let go.

Flashback end.

I turn to face Jimmy. He truely loves me. I love him to. But do i love him more than Matthew. I do try. I hum him a lullaby as i gaze at him sleeping.

Friends are what you need. But real friends are hard to find.

Some days are good

Some days are bad.

This is one of the bad days. Life is starting to take its toll on me, and no one is here to save me.

Wasnt life beautiful when you were a child.

Oh my god.

Im the luckiest girl on the planet. Ive litterally met the girl i want to be with till the day i die.

This girl has changed me to the happiest ive ever fucking been.

I love her for so many reasons.

From her beauty

to her texts i get.

When im away from her i may be unhappy but i think about her so much i feel like im with her 24/7

I love her a7x obsession.

I love the fact i make her happy

I love the fact shes there for me.

I just love her so much.

Charlotte and laura 2008 till the end of time :)

Im

So

Inlove...

Yeah It really is true...

i love her. :)

Date: 26 Sep 2007, 01:41

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im quitting the band. tell laura and her gang thanks for ruining my life

hahaahahhaah zacky what a pussyhole you really are

Normal Pov

As goldfrapp played on the stereo in the car there was nothing to talk about. The rain just hit the windows. Making a downward fall to the bottom. I traced it with my finger. I slowly moved my head to the side to view how much hes changed. He's cut his hair. It looks nice. A few more tattoo's. I like it. He stares at me with that grin again. His plump cheeks ride up and hit the bottom of his sunglasses. I smile at him as he focuses back on the road. He really is handsome. I felt the car go to a halt. We were home.

Brian's pov

There she was. Sitting beautifully. Hands in her lap. Her blondeish hair flowing over her chest. The beautiful eyes. Stand out as they glisten. The arms. I never really noticed the scars. They dont matter to me. When i found out about them. I heard from zacky that she was. It torn me apart.

|| Flashback ||

"hey brian, you know your friend laura. Well shes a cutter. Stop hanging with her or youll start doing it yourself! You know i hate cutters". I stared at my phone in shock. The words. They echoed through my mind. I fell backwards into the wall sliding down it. The tears fell down my cheek. I need to see her. I stood up and raced down the street to her house. The air so cold. This winter's day. This winters day i will never forget. I ran up to her door. Banging on it making it shake. The door opened a little as i saw the same eyes. I embraced her into a hug.

"No more cutting please. No more" She nodded.

This day I'll never forget. This day I realised i love her.

|| Flashback end ||

I took her hand a squeezed it a little. Took it and got out the car. I took laura inside and she sat on the sofa. I got a beer from the fridge. Sitting down she said the first words she has in a while.

"Hows the band?" she said trying to start conversation.

"Its doing good. Going back on tour soon. Hoping you'll come though" i said with my cheesy grin.

"I dont know i mean i dont get along with zacky or matt. I mean Jimmy's alright with me. But the others hate me. Its so weird" she said with a chuckle "I mean ive done nothing wrong ive not hurt them in any way whatsoever. Yet they say i cause so much hassle. They were the one's who sent me to mental hospital Brian. Your so called friends" she said slowly those tears fall again. I run over to her. I need to tell her. I cant hold it any longer.

[Brians thoughts]

Say how you feel Brian.

Its not too late.

Its never too late.

PS: Guys i need girlfriends for the guys. Any offerss. Jimmy's taken. So just matt zacky and lil old Johnny.

Normal Pov

White walls. Same old scene. Waiting. Waiting for my love to get me. 2 years its been. 2 years since ive seen outside. Since ive smelt fresh air. Since the breeze has hit my face. Well i must introduce my self.

Im laura. Im an average girl. Just very insecure about myself. Are you asking yourselves where i am. Well im at a mental hospital. Why you ask? because well pain used to be my only friend. Yeah. Harming. I guess people's rude comments got to me. The only person to understand me. Brian is his name. Yeah not an average person. I met him at school. Yeah.

|| Flashback ||

Great project time. Sir's favourite time. He likes to put us with people we hate so we can 'socialize'. Yeah. Tell me about it.

'Miss Hale stop daydreaming your partner is hmmm Haner' he said with a grin. Great of all people why him.

Brians pov.

Partnered with Laura. She's too fucking quiet for my liking. She stared at me like she's scared. I smile and wink at her and she turns back. I think im going to get this girl to talk. I wait till the end of class and follow her outside. She turns at me and looks at me weirdly.

'Laura if were going to do this project that does mean actually meeting up' i said as she looked at my shoes.

'hey im up here not down there' i said living her chin up. She smiled.

'We could go to my house it's just me until my mum comes home' she whispered lloud enough for me to hear.

I smiled at her and followed her home. I walked up her driveway admiring the house. Just another house. I sat down on the sofa slumping my bag. On the floor next to it. I wait for her to sit down. Seriously that girl needs to talk a bit more. She hands me some paper. I made a funny face and she giggled.

|| Flashback end ||

Since then we became sort of friends. More like we were there for eachother when needed. I wish i could be his one. Yeah i like him ALOT. He is the only one who shows any emotionn towards me. Ive been close to him before. Well i mean. We used to experiment with eachother.

|| Flashback||

He hovered over me his thumb tracing over my nipple. His touch took my breath away. I smiled and gasped. He was slowly thrusting inside me. I let out a soft moan. He liked taking care of me. He was my first. Yeah. So. Does it really matter. I grabbed some of his shoulder length hair tugging it as we both climaxed. Moments like this were rare and magic. I treasure them in my mind everytime. I just wish he thought it meant something more than 'fuck'. I wish to be held in his arms. I wish to be his 

|| Flashback end ||

I smile remembering as i heard a knock at the door. I look up to meet those chocolate brown eyes. Once again. I embraced in his hug holding onto him.

'Its time to go home' he whispered

[my thoughts]

Say how you feel laura.

its not too late.

its never too late.

I stare out the window.

Waiting, for the special someone.

I found her. I lost her i left her.

I took to long to say how much i felt for her.

I will always love you.

Forever Velvet forever....

have you ever taken time out of your life to care about someone and they dont care back.

But they blame you. They hurt you. Say shit behind your back.

People end up dying.

I usually end up crying.

But they only care for themselves.

Two people i love have just died.

Both in the same room.

So why am i here. Writing this.

So people understand.

Your words DO hurt me.

More than you think...

 CREDITS TO VELVET :)

I hate them...who can I kid. I love Violet. She’s supposed to be mine not Zacky's. I'm supposed to comfort her when she has those nightmares.

 Not Zacky, I love violet more than he does. I'm willing to give it all up for her. He's not, won’t give up the Barbie girlfriend, the little house and the dog.

 No he won’t but I will. I just want to hold her to be true when I say I love you and I will protect you, unlike him. Empty words fall of his tongue.

Ive been so distracted that I get startled from the thoughts as a hand is placed in my arm. "Brian is you ok?" I look down at her and see Zacky

 looking at me questionably from the corner of my eye. "Sure" I answer slowly and look back out to the garden, the scene so peaceful compared

 to the commotion inside my head. I hear her laugh and my eyes start to burn with unshed tears. I turn shapely and glare at Zacky. I know

 deep down its not his fault and that he doesn’t know how in love I am with her but he should. He's my best friend.

I stalk fro the kitchen and out to the back garden. I take out a biffy jimmy had rolled for me earlier and sparked it 

up, inhaling the chemicals and it starts to numb my mind, the voices blur out and the laughs and the giggles until

 its just me in my peace and serenity. I slide down the harsh brick wall to the cold pavement at the side of the house.

 "Dude? Dude?” the words go barely noticed as the roll up slides from my fingers and the tears from beneath my lashes.

 "Bri?" Matt’s voice so soft as he kneels down next to me. "Syn? Dude? What’s wrong?" "I love her" is my simple reply, the tears

 snaking under my black lashes and over my tanned cheek bones. "Of course you do syn...The twins are perfect for us man..." I snor

t to cut him off. "Not her, violet....I love violet. But I know she loves Zacky, she always will I can’t compete. I mean who can 

compete against zack? I'm nothing Matt. C-can I just be alone? Please don’t tell Michelle about this please" He nods sadly at me and gives my

 shoulder and friendly squeeze "Don't worry syn, secrets safe" I smile at him and he turns to leave me in peace.  

.

Matts Pov

I walked down the stairs to the kitchen, the sent on bacon alluring me. Haha. I opened

 the kitchen door just to see syn walk out the back with his head down. So unlike syn. I

 looked at zacky and violet who were sitting down giggling with each other. Meh, I feel

slightly sick no wonder bri left. I walked out the door and that’s when I caught the sent of pot.

 Hey maybe Jimmy's up. I turn the corner and see bri, sitting on the floor with his back to the wall

of the house the joint slowly falling from his fingers and tears falling too. what the hell?!

 Brian...Synyster fucking gates is crying......wooooow. we talked and the more he told me the more

 pain I felt for him. He's such a good friend to Zack and he doesn’t even realize I swear. He is in love

 with violet so much, more than Zack I swear.

 after my chat with Brian I walked back in the house, the conversation made me feel really bad for

 bri. I couldn’t stop thank about what he had said and as I walked into the house a tear fell from

my eye, I tried to brush it away quickly but Zack saw me. "dude whats wrong?" I just walked

past him and upstairs. I wasn’t hungry anymore. I stood in my bedroom window and looked

down to the garden as I did Violet walked outside and round to Brian who was still sitting outside.

I couldn’t help but look at that what unfolded, he walked straight to her and kissed her...

I couldn’t believe it. My jaw fell open. the kiss seemed to deepen and then just as fast as it

 started it stopped and I saw brian run for the gate. I ran from my room and into Johnny’s room not caring what I walked into. I saw him running down the street stumbling slightly and I knew he was heading for the old spot. I think this is one for Jimmy to sort out.

my life gets so bad

its all my fault

ever since that fight my life keeps going downwards

my cousin has unfortunately died as a result of the fight

my beautiful velvet is in a coma

people are dying.

all around me

i just cant live with it anymore.

goodnight and god bless

your laura

x

i might leave buzznet im fed up to the back teeth of people accusing me of using velvet

you can ask her i DONT use  her

i love the fucking shit out of that girl

cant live with out her

so shut the fuck up

yeah i made it seem worse than it did.

yeah i put my foot in it more all the time.

yeah i want to die now.

yeah im sorry.

forever in my heart

forever in my mind

ill never forget my little conversations

stop me cutting

stop me being sick

i love you

ill miss you alot

bye xx

i love you

your kisses make me weak and knock me dead on the floor

your touch makes me melt

your words make me stay another day

i love you

im

so

sorry

ill miss you so much

but i will always love you

but i guess i love vel more

i realised there is no way she can hurt me

or be like jimmy cause

well

she has feelings

im sorry

LIAR

FUCKING LIAR

I gave you my heart

you fucking broke it

you started it

so ive cut it off my body